INTRODUCING… CAMPFIRE CHATS
Happy almost summer, campers!
We don’t know about you, but when the weather warms up, our attention spans wane. That’s why we’re kicking off the season with our sweet little morsel of a series – CAMPFIRE CHATS! You can sneak in these quick reads in the time it takes to brown a marshmallow or humiliate yourself in front of your crush during a game of truth or dare.
See you at the mess hall!
LYLAS,
Sam and Marilyn, Ur Misguidance Counselors
CAMPFIRE CHAT:
What am I going to do without Vanderpump Rules?
by Marilyn Haines
Yesterday, my therapist asked, “What are you doing to take care of yourself?”
“Well, I’m watching the third and final portion of the Vanderpump Rules final reunion episode tomorrow,” I responded, beaming.
Next time she sees me, I will not be able to report I am taking care of myself in this way. There will be no more raising my glass high.
This is my Super Bowl. When someone on the street comments on my boyfriend’s Kansas City Chiefs hat, I wonder if this is how he feels with the post-season looming. Will we replay the game tape until it’s warped with age? Can the Reddit threads continue to pick apart the innards of Scandoval when it’s mealy –or worse– practically petrified and chalky like astronaut’s ice cream?
It will be curtains on Season 10 tonight, but I will carry the torch of a SUR Alley Cigarette just as I have since I began watching in 2016, bound to my bed with a case of food poisoning that would rival any SUR-induced hangover. I will continue to coerce those around me to watch this show with a performance so virtuosic and enthusiastic that it conjures up the memory of Julliard graduate Laura-Leigh. I will swaddle the uninitiated in a chunky cable-knit sweater and offer them frankincense, myrrh, Vanderump rosé, and goat cheese balls.
This one’s for you tonight, Vanderpumpers. My voice of reason may not be as unshakeable as Lisa’s, and it might reek of cab sauv instead of chardonnay and an elf bar instead of cigarettes, but should you need to reach out during this time, please email themisguidancecounselors@gmail.com with the subject line: LISA PLEASE.
Also, ask me about my DJ James Kennedy impression. Or don’t. I’ll be doing it all summer regardless.
Thanks for sitting ‘round the digital fire for this chat, campers. Now, back to the glow of your television.
Campfire Chat: What Am I Going to Do Without Vanderpump Rules? by Marilyn Haines (@marilynhayward)